700 Pages Journaled
JOURNAL ENTRY: 3/31/23
"Wow - 700 pages. I flipped back to page 300 just to compare because it feels like a lifetime ago. I started by complaining about missing a day of journaling. I wrote: I chose tv over my journaling - and then went on to label it as laziness.
I complained about my relationship, going on and on about what I wasn't getting out of it, letting excuses come up, and venting about endless he said - she saids.
I didn't find a solution, I didn't give myself grace, it was a page full of venting & frustrations around feelings of stuck-ness and settling.
Exhale. Geez...
I remember doing my blog about WHAT I LEARNED IN 200 PAGES and it was eye opening to go to day one & see the growth to 200. I feel the same way looking at 300 to 700.
Page 300, it felt like I was a different person compared to day one. I feel that exact same way - I flip back & wish I could tell "Page 300 Raina" to let go.
Not give up, but release the white knuckle grip she has on some things in her life. And over the course of 400 pages, she did. Still makes it a bit painful to go back & read.
You kind of develop a certain kind of sympathy for "her".
Over the last 700 pages, she has, in fact, learned to let go. She has let go of things that are no longer serving her. It may be standards, beliefs, thoughts, pressure, people, ideas - She released the grip to go into more of an intentional flow state.
She's let go of the need to be perfect. "A day of journaling missed" felt like she failed. She was, in fact, the consistency coach. If she couldn't even stay consistent, surely she's a fraud & if she's a fraud, she'll fail - and if she fails... she will lose everything. *Cue the old-wired fear*
She let go.
Missing one day, two days, it didn't mean anything. How she responded & how she started back up was everything.
How she decided to show up the next day was the pivot.
She let go of relationships. It took a few hundred days, but she did it. She decided to listen & act on her intuition. The signs, the flags, the hints, she started to pay more attention, realizing she was trying to avoid pain.
Dear sweet girl, you're already in pain. What's more painful?
Staying in the current pain or shifting?
Turns out, shifting was freedom.
Shifting, letting go, and listening took her to the next level of herself. She'd do it all over again, knowing what page 700 feels like.
Your future self is proud."
What have I learned in 700 pages of journaling?
I've learned several things but the biggest one I wanna share is how to really listen to my intuition, my gut, my inner voice, my guides, and the higher version of myself.
For so many years of my life, I felt clouded by societal shoulds and ways of living.
Growing up with divorced parents, one being a pastor & the other walking the line of complete opposite, I quickly learned how to go with the flow of my surroundings so as not to ruffle any feathers.
My own voice got muffled.
It sounded more like doubt & fear than guidance.
Though committing to my journaling process, I learned to identify what was me and what wasn't, I learned to listen to what she needed and let go of what didn't align any longer.
I've learned how to cast the vision for what I actually want my life to look like and with journaling as a tool, uncover what steps I need to take to create that reality.
Listen.
I'm only an expert on my experiences and I will tell you - journaling transformed me from the inside out.
One page at a time.
