How I Manifested the Love I Wanted

I'm the kind of person that says: 

"Journaling solves all of my problems."

And I'm the kind of person that really believes that. 

I flipped back the other day, a random urge to do so. 
I like to reflect, reading the words that an old version of me released when she needed to. 

I have been noticing a theme in my journaling recently. 
It's rather annoying really, after years of solving all of my life problems, to write: 

...things actually feel beautiful.

They haven't always, hence the urges to flip back and see how far I've come. 

I shifted the bundle of pencil-soaked pages in my journal, landing on page one. 

JOURNAL ENTRY: 11/25/2022

A new journal feels powerful. I want the intention of these 200 pages to be all about the power of manifestation. Good & bad, what we allow will be, I know that. 

I'm proof of that. So for the next 200 pages, my focus will be allow in only what I want to be while releasing what doesn't align. 

Life right now feels beautiful with hints of sour and spicy. I'm constantly reminding myself that there is no rush & to enjoy this beautiful in between...

I went on to write about where I was in life with my kids, my business, etc. reflecting on how far I had come and how much farther I wanted to take it. 

I will own Joey, I will be at the ranch several days/week to see him, work with him, and connect/disconnect.

Did that - check! 

I will be in a beautiful relationship. This relationship will make me feel loved, supported, safe, secure, and peaceful. Laughter & touch are important components of our relationship. 

At first when I read that line, I let out a little "huff" of laughter thinking: welp, that one didn't happen. 

And then it was like an inner voice, my guides, something from somewhere corrected me and said:

"You did do that, you did create that - you created that beautiful relationship with self."

It wasn't long after I wrote that page in November that I read in a book:

"Whatever you're unhappy with, or upset about not getting in your relationship is exactly what you need to start giving yourself."

Don't ask me what book it's from, I don't even remember. 

When I read that, it resonated so deeply as I had just released a relationship that I had known for months wasn't for me. 

Fear kept me clinging to that relationship that constantly dulled me. Releasing it was so scary as I dealt with thoughts of will I be single forever?! and feelings of loneliness.

Instead of dwelling, I made a list. 

What are the things I didn't get, that I need in a relationship?

Laughter

Adventure

Playfulness

Touch

Affection

I made the full list, holding nothing back and leaving nothing out. 

And then I got curious, taking the time to identify how I could now give those things to myself. 

Laughter - I could get out more instead of staying in my little bubble. My friends make me laugh, constantly, so maybe I need to find a community of people local to me.

Adventure - I need to get the fuck out of the house. I used to hike, travel, and go & do more! Why did I stop doing that?!

Playfulness - I need to let my light shine again. For 4 years, I let the dullness strip every bit of playfulness from me. I'm going to be intentional about not allowing myself to dull, for anyone or anything. 

Touch - Massages? Maybe I'll start getting massages more consistently. I've never done that, never invested in myself like that before. It's a yes. 

Affection - I think I have this weird thing for animals, haha! I love my pets, my dogs - unlike most people love their dogs, I think. I love my horse, oh my god Joey lights me up. My kids - I can share more affection with my kids and animals, knowing I'll get that in return. 

I kept going, writing in detail whatever came up.

Whatever I felt I lacked, I found a solution. 

From there, it became a daily choice to start implementing the things that I wanted and needed in my life. 

Fast forward. 

It's July. 
Nine months of implementation. 

Guess what happened, I feel whole. 
I feel like my relationship - the one with the most important person in my life (me) - is exactly what I hoped for and manifested. 

The growth of realizing:

I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL WHOLE. 
I AM THE ONLY WHAT THAT CAN TRULY GIVE MYSELF WHAT I NEED. 

I will be in a beautiful relationship.
I am, with myself. 

This relationship will make me feel loved, supported, safe, secure, and peaceful.
The self-love I feel is overwhelming. 
I support me, fully - mentally, financially, and emotionally. 
I feel safe, secure, and comfortable in my own skin. 
The peace, it's radiating. 

Laughter & touch are important components of our relationship. 
I have created such a beautiful, fun, joyful community with deep connection and friendships that are making my cups overflow. 
And lemme just tell you how magnificent the monthly massages have been! 

It all starts with a vision for what you want. 

Once the vision is clear, you can get curious about the aligned action steps that are going to get you there. 

When the steps are clear, action is easy and motivation comes. 

How does your future-self need you to start showing up?
What does your future-self need from you?