Why don't you get bored with me?
I kind of forgot about blogging. Is it still cool? Do you still like to read blurbs about people, their tips, what they’ve got going on? I have been so hyper focused on getting my website finished, making sure my newsletters are out on time, and remembering to post to social media, that alone has been a lot to try to keep up with while focusing daily on being bored. Yeah, you read that right. Lemme explain…
Do you ever feel like what you’re doing isn’t working? Like the same ole’ things that used to work for you, maybe mentally, emotionally, or physically, just aren’t working anymore? It could be the strategy you have at work maybe or even the fact that your body may not be responding to the same workouts that it used to. That’s where I’ve been over this last year, hell - two years. I found this deep-gut pull away from things that used to feel good along with this fear because I had no idea where I was going or what that looked like.
Two weeks ago, I took my kids to the airport to spend some time with their grandparents in Missouri. A two-week break from parenting?! This doesn’t happen - like ever. My goal over these two weeks was to catch up on some stuff lingering around the house, basement needed to be organized, I had new garden boxes to put together, I planned on keeping up with their chore list along with establishing a new work routine since I’d have the space to do so.
I was in a podcast recording with @Let’sPutTheRadInRadical and they asked what my plans were for the break. I shared my plan (basically above) and all that I wanted to get done and that quickly turned into a conversation about boredom.
Do you remember the last time you were bored?
Like really… bored. No phone to escape to, no work to dig into, no pressing to-do on your list? Can you remember? I think back to childhood, that’s probably the last time I remember. But only because we didn’t have phones, iPads, or gaming systems to occupy us.
I really couldn’t think of a time in my adult life, when I took the time to stop and think about it. Since having kids, it’s been a non-stop train ride into chaos that I would try to corral into a pretty picture and call it life.
Even when my kids got a bit older and didn’t need mom 24/7, I started a business.
When they went full-time in school, I started another business.
When I got sick, divorced, depressed, I had plenty to dig into that would distract me from dealing with trauma or meditation to start a healing process.
We are constantly plugged in. That hustle culture I’ve talked about - right? We’re programmed to RUN. GO. WORK. FIGHT. PUSH. FORCE. And we do it until we can’t anymore. We are constantly trying to control every thought that comes in along with our surroundings and it’s exhausting.
Yeah, let’s just breathe together. Inhale for a count of 5, exhale for a count of 6.
Fuck, can I give you permission to be bored?
That list I made quickly crumbled after that talk with my best friends. I ended that zoom call and took a big deep breath, giving myself permission to be bored. Now, what does bored look like? I couldn’t imagine just sitting… all day. No tv? No phone? What does bored even look like?
Instead of telling myself that boredom meant doing nothing - I decided to extend some grace to myself and say boredom is whatever allows me to recenter/recharge/and shut my brain off. Now, workouts probably don’t count.
My journaling isn’t really boredom either. Work all day, even watering my plants is something I need to do.
“Boredom is an opportunity to learn new skills, be social, and show some creativity,” says therapist Michael Ungar.
How can I get bored? Boredom now felt like this ultimate reset that I needed internally. I woke up craving boredom, in fact, I led with boredom. In my journaling, when I didn’t start the day seeking boredom, I would instead be distracted and filled with anxiety around what I was going to do/needed to do in the day. Wanna know where I found it?
Outside. I’ve never been more thankful for the outdoor space we have now, than I was these past two weeks. Anytime my mind would start to race or if I’d feel my anxiety coming on, I’d notice and pay attention to what was bringing it up. Most of the time, I’d have this restlessness being inside for a long period of time, even a couple hours. That anxiousness would remind me to breathe which reminded me to find boredom. How can I shut this off? I’d think. I’d wander outside with the dogs and I’d just be. Throw the ball, maybe? Water some plants, maybe? Wander the yard pulling random weeds, maybe… it all allowed me to recenter without a plan or purpose. The air (minus the poor air quality in Denver right now) in my lungs, the sun beating down on my face, the sounds of birds or trucks or dogs in the background. I simple went outside to notice.
Mediation. I’ve talked about my meditation journey a lot. It was so hard in the beginning because I struggled with boredom. Right? You know - you sit down to mediate, you close your eyes, and boom: laundry needs to be done. oh shit, i forgot to start the sheets. i’ll do it after. i will start the dogs bed too. well i should do that now before i forget. ah, did i feed the dogs? I know I’m not alone in this, haha! As soon as I’d sit down on the cushion, my mind would wander into anything else, reminding me of all the things I could be doing that would be more beneficial to the family as a whole than me sitting with my eyes closed. I started small, forcing myself to stick to 3-5 minute breathing pockets with my eyes closed. I’d do my Inhale/Exhale Affirmation Meditation, inhaling words that built me up while exhaling limiting beliefs that weren’t serving me. That boredom felt the best.
Meals. Since I’ve mastered intentional eating, for me, meal times have always been “work catch up” or “lets do a quick dive into dms” because the thought of not having something to engage my mind while I ate felt weird. What do I look at? What do I think about? What do I do with my other hand? Then I thought - does anyone really ever master something like food? Wonder what else I could uncover if I just got bored to notice? I noticed that boredom typically led me to food. This isn’t a good thing always so how could I put a healthier spin on things? I pulled out my skills from the Intentional Eating Course I put together and forced myself back into it. Mmmm the flavors. Like that, hate that. What’s fun to cook? What drained me? What did I feel like before eating? What did I crave? What did I end up eating? How did I feel after, what’s my mood?
No phone to break the focus.
No tv show to help me escape.
No person to fill my voids.
It was just me and my surroundings.
And I’ll tell you, I’m typing this as I’m about to head to the airport to pick up my kids. Mom-break is over and my heart, honestly, is so happy. I feel like this break allowed me to slow down more than I ever have. Not in an unproductive slow down, but in a - wait, remember why you’re doing everything you do - slow down. It was a slow down reminding me that my kids, they won’t be here in my home forever. This job that I love so much will shift, so I should lead with what I love. My chaotic home will soon be quiet, so I should embrace the slow down to be around for more of it.
Will you get bored this week?
