Dear Fear...

- JOURNAL ENTRY: 3/1/23

"Dear Fear,

Listen, I come with love.

Really. I can look back at my life and see all the opportunities, rescue missions, and ways you kept me safe. Not only safe, but aware.

I always say, awareness is everything and it's because of you that my skills have grown. And - that's just it: I've grown.

I needed you, growing up in such a space of instability.

I needed you, as I lived out my 12-year marriage.

Hell, I think it was you that gave me the courage to leave.

I needed you, as I raised my two daughters alone and dove into the dating world for the first time in this lifetime.

I won't sit here and write about how you've always been in the way - you were the way.

But fear, I think it's time that you took a back seat.

You know, through these last 36 years, I've learned quite a few lessons as you guided me.

In fact, I've learned more in these years than I think most people learn in a lifetime. I don't regret any of the experiences because I now have those lessons to help me move forward.

There's no room for you anymore.

With my toolbox full, I have to leave you behind.

You know I'm not the same person you protected all those times; you know that if you stay, you'll cause more harm than good. So I'm going to let some other things steer me, like: "knowing" and "awareness" and "trust" and "love" because those are the biggest tools I've gained.

My therapist once told me that there is no way the exact same experiences were going to happen again. They can't - because those same people/things aren't in my life anymore & I now have the "knowing" of how to sense the signs before they happen.

My situations aren't the same because I've gained "awareness" around what stays and what needs to go.

I'm not the same because I've finally learned how to "trust" myself, the universe, and the process.

And I'm choosing to lead with "love" and open up to love going forward, as I approach some of the scariest and most exciting seasons of my life.

See, I just don't see how you fit anymore.

I release you, with love.
I release you, with gratitude.
I release you, thankful for how you saved me.
I release you, I'm ready to live my life.

xo Raina"