I’m trying to catch all the leaves…

But I'm realizing I just need to let them fall.

Journal Entry: 10/27/2024, Page #1023-1024

Welp, it’s starting to feel like an empty nest. Funny, I spent so many years wanting this - kids grown, moving out, my own space and flow - and now that it’s approaching quickly, it’s like I can’t cling on fast enough.

Kenzie and I went to the dog park the day before last and we talked about Bella leaving. She said it’s crazy how we’re all going in our separate ways. Bella to Kansas - me and Arch to who knows where - Kenzie, Rock, and Dex somewhere in Denver.

I laughed saying, “Ugh, I don’t wanna talk about it!” She laughed and I looked over, both of us catching the tears in each others eyes. These girls have been my life, my best friends for the last 19 years - since I was 18.

Funny thing, time.

I took Bella to Kansas yesterday. The 5-hour drive there was pretty quiet. We took Dexter and stopped 100 times to pee. I found out half way there that Monica would be there too. Exhale.

I wanted to text Bret and tell him she better not get out of the car. Instead I text MJ who said, “Always take the high road, baby. If you act mad, he’s got control over you. You can act like it was the worst thing that happened to you, or the best. Your choice!”

I read that realizing it was one of the best things - it was the carrot on the nose of my snowman - finished. Without all of it, I wouldn’t have MJ. I’d go through it all again if I knew he would be my reward at the end.

So - I pulled up and said my -goodbye for now- to Bella before they arrived. I held her hand and said, “Remember, home is not a house. Home is me. Home is Kenzie. If you ever need home, just tell us and we’ll be here.” We both cried as the SUV pulled up and Monica’s son ran out to hug Bella.

I left, feeling like I left 5-year old Bella behind.