Where has this year gone?

Jan-October feels like three different lifetimes.

Journal Entry: 10/20/2024, Page #1021

“Where has this year gone? Jan-October feel like three different lifetimes. Retreats in the new year, meeting MJ, launching my book, doing my equine retreats on my own, so much travel, getting engaged, losing my job, Ella moving in with Bret, now - now feels unrecognizable.

I’m breathing though, it’s my only option - to move through it all.

Bella won’t be here a week from now. In 7 months, I may not be sitting in this chair, in this living room - with all three boys. Kenzie is so excited to get her own place - wanting to take some of the furniture and both Dexter & Rockie.

Life then - will be a mystery.

Annette did tell me that the next 6-9 months were going to be all about receiving and allowing. That’s crazy hard to do when it feels like everything around you is shifting. Like rugs are being pulled all around me yet I’m expected to stay grounded.

Exhale.

I will - I always do. And I’m not alone, like I always have been. That’s what makes this season a little different, well, a lot different - MJ.

I’ve navigated these similar kinds of obstacles before but never with someone by my side. It changes things, having someone who loves you hold the flashlight while you try to find the path.

It changes things - it changes me - when I feel seen, safe, heard, and held while I make the trek. It changes everything.

So for now, whatever life # this is - I’m simply allowing and receiving whatever is on it’s way while my focus is on today. That’s my challenge. I’m a worrier, we know this. There are 14 different “future” scenarios in my head before I even have my second cup of coffee.

MJ keeps me here - he keeps me present with my two feet planted. “Why are you worrying about all that, let’s be here today…” he constantly tells me and I exhale, a small smirk of gratitude on my face.

It’s in my nature, a survival instinct, a human instinct - one I’d like to break.
What do I need today?
What do I have control of?
What do I need to let go of today?

Today - being the common thread. Focus here - now. I don’t need to know the outcome. I don’t need to know the how or the what. I simply need to work on today.