What I learned in a Weekend of Reconnection
It starts like this: Ali & I met in 2017 when I was in the beginning stages of my - I’m now 30, divorced and have no idea what I’m doing with my life so I’ll travel until I figure it out - phase. She slid into my DM’s as a profile photo-less icon with a ton of energy & excitement that I’d be in her city. I grabbed every red flag and slid them into my pocket as I boarded the plane to Vancouver. We met at a tattoo shop the day I got my Triple Bear & Canadian Maple Leaf tattoos. Side note: If you haven’t followed me for very long, in 2017, I began getting tattoos every time I traveled to a new place. It’s what has filled my body since. We hit it off, walked through Vancouver, ate tacos with a couple other |now| close friends, and laughed the entire night. We have kept in touch ever since, vacationed together multiple times, have grown businesses together, host podcasts, it’s like a whole big thing now.
The last time I hugged Ali, in Feb 2020, we were heading home after a 3-day getaway in LA for our birthdays. We did sound baths on the beach, tattoos, all the food, it was incredible. It’s crazy to think that one minute you could be saying goodbye, thinking you’d be together again soon as life had always allowed, the next minute there’s a global pandemic. It happened to millions of us. That realization hit harder and harder as I spent months within the four walls of my home - like it did for millions of us. Those days turned into months turning into a year and counting… those months started to darken, as it did for millions of us. I know most of us, the millions, are trucking along doing the best we can in a world/time that we’ve never experienced and the more trucking we do, the more we hold inside. AM I RIGHT? I was starting to feel the pain of that, the clinging we do to things when we are starting to lose control…
And then, she landed in Denver. As I put my seatbelt on, making eye contact with her, the tears welled up. I not-so-jokingly said: now let’s solve all of our problems. Reporting back: we solved a lot of them. Haha! When I left her Sunday, to fly back home to her family, I took a big deep breathe. I wiggled a bit in my seat after as I noticed how easy that breath came. I looked around to see if Chad saw me wiggle in my seat, he didn’t. So I smirked… thinking: I just took the biggest fucking deep breath I’ve been able to take in so long… I felt clarity. I felt peace, like deep down. And this knowing that things would be just fine. What things? I don’t even know. Just things. The things we think of daily that paralyze, cause doubt, worry, fear, and anxiousness.
Your experiences and friendships should leave you with life lessons, here are mine from my weekend of reconnection.
THINGS ARE AS BAD AS WE THINK: You read that right. They are. They ARE as bad as we THINK they are. The thoughts that come up for us can set the tone and pace for your entire day. They can allow us the best day we’ve ever had and in the same breath, they can immobilize us. On part of our drive to my house, I shared vulnerably with Ali about some things that I had been dwelling on with one of my relationships… at one point she looked at me blankly saying: “okay… big deal.” I think I shook my head, as if trying to shake off a slap in the face. I stopped in that moment (it felt like 30 seconds but it was probably 3), and just sighed. “You’re right” I said. The scenario I remember in my head isn’t reality, it rarely ever is. It’s a combination of reality, some movie lines, some if I wore big girl panties scenes played out, and the I should have said this - stuff. We toss & turn within - so much - that the situation we’re upset or bothered by, isn’t even real anymore. So… stop. Recognize it in the moment, you will, like I did. The negative thoughts that spiral, you stop them in their tracks saying: nope, that’s not real. And carry on.
LAUGHTER IS MEDICINE: The first cackle felt like heaven. The giggles, non-stop. After I removed the heaviness of my thoughts, the clarity came. The lightness came back and the walls came down. We took intentional time this weekend to joke, adventure, create, and talk. In each of those, laughter was a focus. We’ve got a weird sense of humor, it’s a bit dry, that’s not for everyone. But I hope you know that feeling of having that — same level — humor with someone? You make eye contact and it’s like - oh no, you see me, haha - and the laughing does. not. stop. It’s healing. We spent hours getting our wigs on to create some content, tiktok dances (haha), and other fun projects. I hadn’t laughed so hard in, what felt like years. My favorite part was getting to share it with Chad - laughing with him and bringing him into more of my world with someone who brings out such joy in me. Working out isn’t the only thing that releases endorphins. Smile, it feels good.
CONNECTION IS A FORM OF SELF CARE: As we work to heal one another, we in turn, heal ourselves. Did you know that social connections have the power to help anxiety & depression? I read a book once that I’ll recommend: LOST CONNECTIONS. It’s THIS. The power of human connection has the ability to heal. I just want to encourage you, if you’re feeling down, in any way, shape or form, to reach out to a friend and allow yourself to become a little vulnerable, trusting in them, to hold space for you. We actually released a podcast episode Friday, talking about how important this has been in our lives. Check it out if you feel led to.
Take a big deep breath. Loneliness can feel like many things including negative feelings of doubt and self-worth.
That lack of connection can do more internally than we realize. PLUG IN.
